Log on to Tik Tok and you may discover a surprising trend. Young men are proudly boasting their desire to date older women. Some, even touting images of them with the one that they’ve fallen for. While I, personally haven’t been with a man less than 10 years younger since my divorce in 2012, I wasn’t aware that relationship preferences like this were so hot right now. It makes one ask, why? Just what makes older women so appealing to these men right now? I think I may have some answers.

First and foremost, the idea that boys who made the term MILF a household word grew in to men who preferred older women shouldn’t really be that surprising. As these boys reached their late twenties and early thirties, their MILF’s morphed in to Cougars. That makes sense but still doesn’t get the root of the attraction. With no shortage of scantly clad, hard bodied, wrinkle free girls out there why are these men dropping in to the DM’s of women who may not even know what DM stands for?

Here are my top five reasons so many younger men go for older women

1- As one young Tik Tokker put it, “You see a put together Cougar and there’s no comparison…”

What he was talking about wasn’t so much the clothing style or body type. It was the confidence. Older women are more secure with themselves and exude a natural confidence. This confidence comes from a strong sense of self worth and a deep understanding of value. These things most often are obtained through life experience and there isn’t much in this world that’s sexier than someone who is secure with themselves. While younger women are still seeking public validation, older women know that this kind of thing is shallow and they are not fulfilled by it. Older women seek the attention of their romantic partner and tend to turn a blind eye to the ogling of others. Younger men don’t want to feel threatened by their girlfriends 4,000 Instagram followers or shady Snap Chat pals and this is the number one reason they prefer a more mature mate.

2- Older women don’t want to see you 24/7

An older woman has developed a strong sense of self. She has probably already been in a relationship where she lost touch with friends, gave up her hobbies, or even gave up her passion to cater to the needs of her lover. She does not want to do that again. She enjoys her alone time and time engaging in activities that her partner has no interest in and she wants her partner to enjoy those things, too. She wants to date a whole person, not someone who has no life outside of her prevue. She won’t be found whining when her lover wants a night out with the guys. She’ll probably take advantage of that time and catch up with on old friend or read that book that she bought last week. She won’t be texting or calling, either. If she’s with you, she’s secure in your relationship and trusts that you are where you say you are.

3- There’s No Doubt That She Doesn’t Want A Sugar Daddy

Older women tend to be financially independent. If they want you, they want you. They don’t need you to meet their needs financially. They will, however, drive you to achieve financial security in your own life because they want what’s best for you and want an equal partner on the road of life. It’s a true win for a younger man who can benefit from advice on careers, spending, investing, and budgeting.

4- Fewer Head Games

Older women are more quiet conversationalists and may tend to be nurturers. They prefer honest dialogue to head games and manipulation. They’ve likely wasted time on toxic relationships and have no interest in repeating that cycle. You will always know where stand and can express yourself with little fear of manipulation.

5- The Sex

There is no doubt that sex is an important part of a relationship and sex with an older woman is definitely a strong selling point for a younger man. A more experienced lover brings a lot to the table. She knows what she likes and also how to please a lover. Older women are givers in the bedroom and enjoy giving pleasure as much as they enjoy receiving it. They also understand that occasional performance issues come with the territory and can easily destress a lover who suffers from performance anxiety.

I wrote this little ditty very quickly because the inspiration struck out of the blue while I was working on a different project. I think it’s a super sexy short story! Check it out.

No matter how many years pass or how many times our respective lives change I find myself perpetually drawn back to the same man. We’ve never had a relationship in the traditional sense and the odds are very much against that ever happening but we are tried and true friends to the point that the term “soul mates” frequently crosses my mind.

During our friendship (with benefits) he has ventured off in to relationships with other women and I, being chronically single by choice, back away. My intent has always been to let him find happiness and completion if it’s out there for him. We keep in touch but I keep my distance so my presence in his life doesn’t muddy the waters. I have no doubt that if any woman became jealous of me and told him to chose between us, he would send her packing. Since he’s younger than me and marriage and children could still be possible for him, I don’t want to stand in his way. The problem is that he always seems to chose partners with whom he is destined to fail to the point that I often wonder if he’s purposefully setting himself up for that inevitable failure.

He’s been single again for several months now and we jumped right back in to our thing. The attraction between us is mystifying. I have never wanted to be with a man so much before in my life. The spark never fades no matter how much we grow and change.

We live a good distance apart and since I needed to be in his town for work this week, I went to see him. I would spend the night at his place so that I could attend an early morning meeting a few miles from his place. From the moment I walked through the door I could tell that something was different. The sexual tension was seeping from his pores like the visible fumes around a gas pump. It was heavy and almost unsettling.

He surprised me with a primal and aggressive advance that was completely unlike him and I melted in to it like it was the thing that I’d been waiting for all of my adult life. Our intimacy was wild and rough and I was overwhelmed by his level of passion. Then, things took another interesting turn. By his urging, we touched more intimately and sensually than we ever had before and slept in each others arms.

I don’t know what this evolution means for us but I’m looking forward to seeing where it goes! If it continues, I might find myself rethinking my chronically single status and giving that “real relationship” idea more thought.